(This is taken from the Mountain X-press Asheville Disclaimer-joke section of the paper- this is for some good after earth day giggles and gags).Recently, the city lifted its voluntary water rationing, due to an excess of water in the North Fork Reservoir.
Here are some ways you can splurge on all that extra water:
• Bump family members back up to eight daily glasses.
• Replace your child's Skid 'n Scrape with a Slip 'n Slide.
• Rent a Gus Van Sant movie and take a shot of water every time nothing happens.
• If you want, you can use water to perform baptisms, instead of hot yogurt.
• Refill your hot tub with water once the 500 gallons of Cristal currently in it evaporate.
• Instead of collecting rainwater in cisterns like a neurotic green cheapskate, don't.
• Remember: You don't have to leave your parked car idling all night while you sleep to help melt the icebergs — we have extra water now.
• If a waiter asks you if you want a glass of water with your meal when you don't, say, "Shit, yeah," and then don't touch it.
• Paint a still-life using water colors and make the bowl of fruit gigantic.
• Instead of setting your fraternity pledges on fire, see how much water they can drink without dying.
• Go to Crazy Al's Used Water Lot with your paycheck because he's so crazy, he's practically giving away used water.
• When stirring up a new batch of water, use the recipe "H4-O2" to make it extra watery.
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