run away fantasy. better then a coma fantasy.
Ever since I can remember I have been fascinated with the idea of running away. From what, it never really mattered - what mattered was the feeling of freedom running away seemed to bring. Something close to enlightenment, meditation, a beautiful scene, a kiss, any moment that makes the details disappear and all you feel is alive.
I am ever prepared for it too, always knowing what i would put in my backpack, what i really would have to bring. of course finding out I had Celiac Sprue and other health problems put a HUGE damper on my run away obsession - only fueling the fantasy even more (repression does that!), making it always seem more urgent then it had since i was 13 and needed to escape puberty. But now, i can't just run away, everything has to be meticulously planned so that i have the right food, water, environment otherwise the whole fun would be ruined by something like diarrhea or brain damage or the feeling i can not breathe, swallow. A sexy run away, I am.
So yesterday I fulfilled one of my run away fantasies and that was to apply for my USA/international passport. In 4-6 weeks I can leave the country if i so desire.
But it wasn't easy to get to that point...
and even the fantasy is as frightening as it is exhilarating.