Life is not easy... in some ways in can be a real pain in the ass and makes me feel like a psyco. But there are things that are so beautiful, simple things I can be thankful for like ::::
*good views of a pretty world
*the smell of wet leaves
*my animals friends (this one is HUGE!)
*my wood stove is now fixed and isn't catching on fire anymore
*my brakes in my truck are fixed so i can go get groceries for myself again
*the snow was melted for almost a week (or was it a few days) - only a few patches are left
*my water has come on sometimes so i could take baths
*all the humans who are my friends and help me get through my rough and my fun days
*spring is almost here! and the sun DOES exsist (even if not at my cabin.)
Today I took a nap during the day which is a rare event for me - even if a lay down i never fell asleep. But I did fall asleep and since i started sleeping up in the loft for winter time warmth I have been having completely vivid weird dreams.
In the nap dream my mom was telling me she saw a child that was mine, and i said " i do not have a child". It was very dark out and in the forest, wet, raining & hard to see - my mom was sitting in a white gazebo far away. She said "come see, he is right here, your child" .... i walk to the gazebo in deep fear and curiosity, then realize this is a child not born yet.... so i say "is it a ghost?" and she says "yes". I walk around to the back of the gazebo and there is my boyfriend i had in highshool (teenage BF) sitting in a chair - the ghost child is a boy standing next to him wearing blue (looks like i imagined my child would look like all my life, not like me at all but with blonde hair) - the ghost child is standing in front an empty chair, and is about 7 years old, it has a serious look on it's face. I ask the teenage BF "is that your child next to you" , the teeneage BF puts his hand in the empty chair next to him and says "no my children are not here, this one is yours" . I knew it had not been born, yet.
Then the phone rang in real life. UPS telling me a package is in the mail.