Thursday, June 17, 2010

I Just Realized I Am The Neighborhood Witch

Do ya remember when you were a kid, and there was always some woman who was considered the neighborhood witch? There were all these requirements, evidence, cues to what made her a witch - what made her house, her yard the one you were sure to never touch for fear of being cursed, killed, or even eaten alive... a criteria that kinda crosses borders state to state, kid to kid - they all agree who's the witch.
The two major factors that lead up to becoming the neighborhood witch are (1.) you have to be a single woman who (2.) never had children ( obviously because you hate kids and put curses on them, plus you are cursed and that's why ya can't have them) - she has to be single cause no man is dumb enough to marry a real witch, for she would be more powerful then him.
BUT, there are many sub facts too, that prove the woman is a for sure 100% witch who will Get Ya' if she finds you near her house....
and I fit them all.
The darker, the blacker your hair the more witch you have in you (although it happens from time to time a single childless woman with blond hair will be the feared and accused)...

But even worse is if she has creepy shit around her house, like my chicken feet hanging from my front door... (other possible creepy shit consists of things like broken flowers pots and/or dead plants, too many smashed bugs, dog poop that never gets picked up, she never goes out or to church --- i don't fit all these but they are good examples!)
Another sub fact about the neighborhood witch is she always lives ALONE in the house that seems really odd for the 'hood it's in - either it's really big or way too small, a dark mansion or a ridiculous shack. I am the latter....
My neighborhood witch when I was little lived behind my grandparents house on Florence Dr. in New Orleans, she was a single woman who never came outside, she had no kids and kept her big creepy house really dark with no landscaping - there was always dog shit in her yard and for some reason this neglect meant to my kid logic she was for sure a witch who was stealing animals & probably eating people's dogs. Touching her grass would leave a curse on you forever...
Who was your witch? Tell me about her!


Anonymous said...

We had a neighborhood witch, and I lived with her, and she was.

Kiriko said...

I always thought my Japanese grandma was something of a witch. She gardened, fixed everything around the house, grew mushrooms on logs behind the kitchen, and told me that when she massaged my toes she was actually exorcising demons from my body. She's one of my role models, for sure.

Stephanie Rogers said...

I love this post! Your cabin is so cute. I tell my husband that he's the only reason I'm not already the neighborhood witch, especially since I would probably have a profusion of cats, weird stuff hanging in the trees outside my house... As it is I already have all of my mysterious herbal stuff steeping in jars in the windows, apothecary jars filled with animal bones, my big old cooking cauldron in the backyard, my mostly black and green wardrobe... plus there's the fact that I'm antisocial.

I've never actually had a real neighborhood witch where I lived, but as a kid I was so curious about oddball people that I probably would have made friends with her.

Anonymous said...

This is a great post.

when I was growing up, there was a house around the block that my best friend's mother referred to as the "Collier Mansion". As an adult I now realize it was just sarcasm for" they don't keep their house up and manicured like the rest of our typical middle class suburban neighborhood."

But us kids, we thought it meant something sinister and we always walked past the Collier Mansion on our way to the bus stop, keeping a good few yards between us and their property line. I think it was really just an old woman and her son who lived there and hardly left the house, but kids will make more of anything if it makes the game more exciting.

I have to ask, do the kids dare each other to go up to your chicken embellished door on Halloween?

I think your house rocks, btw.

Leslie's Gone Oko said...

Anonymous- Dang, i guess if you are a real witch you can live with others, and still be the neighborhood witch... ;) Authenticity it #1 !

Kiriko -
How cool your grandmaw was like that, You are so lucky!
i have to wonder now if people thought my grandmother was one too... always at home, up in her bedroom, ocassionally yelling and going wild. (Did that just sound all Stephen King?)
People in New Orleans found everything suspect to voodoo/devil related lifestyles if you didnt do the traditional catholic thing.

BTW- i totally live like your grandmaw!

Stephanie -
LOL - i love that you have a cooking cauldron PLUS you wear black and green, are you sure you dont make little children cry? ;)
I have alot of creepy bones, and jars, pinned up insects and things around my cabin too... oh gawd, ihave a cat, and at one time i had 8 cats.... 8 cats it like 100% witch.

Diane -
Awesome story - i love how chilren learn things like that from their parents... but make it so much more interesting!
I just moved to this house a few months ago, so no halloween has passed - but some kids on 4 wheelers came up on my property a few weeks ago and when they had to drive back down near me and face their trespassing problem, the younger kid was totally scared of me and stayed back like over 15 feet from where i was standing. LOL

kirk said...

I have a few too many skulls and bones around my property -- I drag them home to id them and marvel at the shapes. I dig roots and plants--go barefoot most of the year-have long, long hair and howl at the moon with my 3 dogs--I am sure that witch must of crossed someones mind at some point.

Leslie's Gone Oko said...

Kirk! ha
ya know, i think if you are a dude, you dont get to be a witch, you end up being the neighborhood skitzo/crazy guy! ;)
But maybe, also you get to be the werewolf. which maybe is scarier then the witch!

kirk said...

I was doing some work outside at my girlfriends a couple years ago and one of the neighbors asked her-- "who was that big ugly woman with the long hair working at your place?"--one vote for my inner witch:)

Leslie's Gone Oko said...

Kirk -
ha ha ha ha.