I dream of it every night while i sleep, seeing the cabin from the outside, orbiting around its walls only in my deep subconscience mind - never really inside it. My conscience mind keeps in the present when it can - but moving has that.... ya know.... epic feeling of change. Major change that is not always easy to flow with even if ya love it, trust it and know you want it.
Its not just the cabin though. It is leaving an adventure that borderlined dangerous, an experiment i had no idea i was walking into. I thought I was going to a peaceful self sustaining place to live my life...... but what i experienced was more like an initiation into some kind of survival club i didnt even know i joined! A survival club that copied the patterns of The SHinING movie for a basic script during winter.
My last drive over Dogget mountain with my truck packed with the last of my belongings- i felt chills come over my body, i felt like that initiation was ended and made known to me all at once. I felt the mountain was smiling on me, saying i had done a good job with the shit it gave me, and now i could go back into the world slightly below.... i felt Dogget mountain was proud, and it was spitting me back out the bottom a different person..... shooting me down it's curvy snake slide like a bird pushing its babies out its nest to fly. Or maybe like a kid down a water park slide for the first time.
*Lesson I learned : Winter.... shouldnt do it alone at the top of a harsh snowy mountain.
(this radiohead song below is exactly what leaving the Luck Cabin felt like to me........)
A kind of outward breath, so different I am not really breathing out but sucking back in and accessing whats here. Am I safe now? yes. and so are the animals (as safe as farm animals can be!) We gotta make some temporary alterations to our old patterns.... until we find our permanent home....
I didn't move back into the city, or even close to that kind of life. It's still the forest, it's still rural as hell, still at the end of a road no one goes unless they live here - i still will be chopping and carrying in my logs to stay warm, cooking all my meals, hiking, exploring, discovering. It's just not on top Dogget mountain, and that says it all to anyone who's lived FULLY year round on top Dogget mountain..... and not many do.
With that emotional super emo crap being said.... :))))
here is what the future is more like while i look for my true home...............
(and i dont mean naked orgy... i mean FREEDOM)...
**********WARNING THIS VIDEO CONTAINS NUDITY!!!!!!!!*******************