Winter's Close

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


*
In spite of the fact that it snowed here again a few days ago, it is slowly melting, dripping and soaking the ground at this very moment. Spring wants to be here so bad. I can see it in the neighbors dog's coat which is flinging hair into the air, i can see it when i get close to the ground and tiny green things are coming up, so tiny i cant identify which wild plant they will be.... tiny inch worms coming out from under a leaf, then going back into hiding. Frogs croaking a mating call that sounds like women gossiping furiously.... then silence in the cold of the night.
I am ready. Of course, who isnt ready for this long winter to end? I am ready for the sun to tan and mark my skin, to exaggerate every freckle on my face, to give me energy while relaxing my soul.
The winter has been a weary sort of nightmare. I never really thought about it before hand but I suppose it was my first winter living in the woods, sustainable, remote and totally alone. I have been living in the woods over ten years now... most the time i had some partner (ah, boyfriends...i remember those!)... and during those years most of my sustainable living was just in the learning phases, it certainly wasn't this hardcore.
If you have a partner right now, at this very moment, be thankful - even if they suck in some ways... the only reason to not be thankful is if they suck so bad they dont even help ya carry in wood to stay warm. Otherwise, another pair of arms is like.... heaven during the winter!
Can we all do it alone? Probably shouldnt, but anyone half healthy can do it. Can we all stay sane living like this alone? I doubt most can. You might think I stayed sane... but i don't think i really stayed healthy in my mind throughout this semi-off grid winter.
Depression, exasperation, anger, resentment, insane laughter, cursing, frustration ... were all my friends. You could even say they were my partner, since there was a void to fill where no extra helping hand existed. Anger might motivate me to keep pushing through the snow, anger would say "don't stop now, don't let the snow get ya! the snow will not defeat you!", as i pushed up a mile long steep hill carrying so much food on my tiny back I thought i would break, but instead got hypothermia. All the emotions we like to dub as "bad" and "negative" are great motivators. I kept from falling asleep with hypothermia in the the snow by yelling out things into the empty frozen air - things i resented in my life, i released them, and changed them soon as i got home.
*
Now, snow drips, melts - it tries to wet my last pile of firewood... since the ice ripped off the gutters on the cabin a while back. Wet wood, does not keep you as warm, wet wood is annoying but I will burn it regardless. I have gotten to the point that i can light a great fire with using only one single match to begin with. YAY! i think... that matters? But only if i choose this way of life.
*
Did a winter of slipping on snow and ice, fainting, cutting my hand, cursing frozen water, cursing a dirty body, and being snowed in away from humans make me not want to live this way? Does it make me want to be back in the city in central heat and TV?

No fucking way!
When the city lights go out and there is no heat, i am still warm and cooking on my wood stove.
To put it crudely.... ya know how people say "once you go black you never go back"...
*ehem*
well, its kinda like that, but with nature.

xoxoxox

Hell Froze Over, A Snowball Has A Chance

When I woke up this morning I had this horrible vision in my head that my animals would all be dead and frozen despite all I have done to make this storm OK for them...
Maybe cause the other day when I drove to town for supplies I saw a horse somewhere in Leicester laying on the ground in a big field, appearing to be dead, after the last snow storm. And I thought, PLEASE gawd don't let that happen to JuJu Bean.
*
The last ten years here in western north carolina had really been pleasant during the winter (on a hot sauce scale it was the bland, mild, without spices) - until last year's hell-a-cious snow frenzy. It seems this season has picked up right where last year left off it's white fluffy drama (on the hot sauce scale it's now spicy, tongue burning, tear jerking, nose running, red HOT).
Except, it's FrOcking cold.
So frigid in fact, the water i filled up in my tub INSIDE my cabin is now frozen solid.
The spring water for the animals to drink finally froze over too. A thick layer of ice formed which i crushed hard by kicking it in with my boots then lifted pieces up outta the way. Unfortunately, not much water was underneath, and I had to smoosh the pot into the cold mud to gather anything. I also had to smash/slam the hell out of the pot against a tree trunk to get the frozen water out. (A rebel yell or grunt makes it easier when swinging!)
*
JuJu the donkey is now limping also. Which worries me, i kept scraping snow off the favored hoof and breathing warmth onto her ears. As I pushed my feet through a foot of snow back to the Luck Cabin I was thinking about tropical islands( yes, mmmmm), i was finally 'getting' why people are obsessive about moving to costa rica and some such places. I was longing for my hometown of New Orleans, if only for a lil warmth and sunshine. I was also thinking... building a sustainable place to live, all alone, in a frigid cold harsh winter'ed location is NOT a good idea. (Note to self: Dont ask if you made a mistake cause it's too late!) Too hard, unless you have a partner who is there to help each day and minute with the unforeseen trials and tribulations of this kind of lifestyle.
Until then I can go between laughing and crying when i fall down in the snow over and over, and beg all powers in the universe to spare my animals.
Not much is making me feel better....
but Billy Idol helps. Thanks BaBY JEzuz for keeping Our ELECtricty On! ;)


Xoxoxox

Screwed Blued and Tattoo'ed (or just snowed in again)

Terrible no good very bad SNOW STORM PREP ::::

• drove truck to state road that gets plowed and hiked back up a mile to the cabin
• filled the tub with water (pot by pot cause the water pipes under my cabin froze a week ago)
• fill pots and jars with water
• cook food ahead of time
• clean house, change cat litter, feed animals
• cleaned out composting toilet (frozen urine would be just TOO frOckin' much for me at this point!!!!)
• carried in STACKS of logs into the cabin and onto the porch
• hand washed comfort clothes and hung to dry above wood stove
• move all my bedding into my loft, where it's warm & I will be sleeping when it get down to -20 degrees
• charge up my crank lantern
• fall down in snow a bunch and not cry

And this is not even the beginning of what is to come...
the last storm never bothered to melt, my pipes under the house never defrosted (even though my gravity fed spring is still running just fine. It was supposed to rain today but instead of nice melty rain it snowed a few more inches. And well the icing on that snow cake is coming tonight and tomorrow thru the night.... feet of snow icing I am guessing.

What can i say? I dont like this part.... whatever this is a part of. But the feeling of accomplishing so much in one day to prepare for the worst feels damn good.

I need a girl scout uniform... but one that is long sleeve and made of alpaca wool, comes with matching wool gloves, hat, scarf, coat and leggings. With logo snow boots. Thanks Universe!

*****

BTW- I hope i don't lose power, internet or phone... but I dont know what is coming, and after last year I except the worst. Will miss ya'll if I do go M.I.A!!!! SMOOCHes!

XOxoxoxoxo

My Snow Freak Out and My Snow Luv...

It's been snowing for days. The first day was novel, not so cold I could see my own breath inside my cabin (yet), I crocheted, I hung out with Bort, I even went for a short drive down to the Trust Store (i have never driven in snow before, even though I have lived here for 10 years!)....
But dang it... 3 days and still snowing the temperature dropped, and dropped. Finally my spring water froze in spite of pipe dripping & obsessive precautions, the wind chills hit -15 degrees in my county, and I worried for my animals!
*
I brought ms. Butterworth inside because she was the only chicken shivering and not mentally capable of seeking out water & things to fulfill her needs. She's very happy by the wood stove again...
When I went out this morning to check on everyone else, someone was missing and I noticed right away. Beep Beep the baby chicken. I freaked. Under pressure I stay quite calm, I don't lose my mind but I do get very upset and cry and when I called for Beep Beep for 10 mins and she never showed up I thought the worst. All the other chickens were staying warm in their coop and nesting boxes, Beep Beep was nowhere in sight. I kept seeing R.I.P BEEP BEEP in my head, like it had already been tattoo'ed distastefully to my shoulder. With all the snow, and her being mostly white I felt like I was looking for the impossible to try tramping around in the snow- it had piled up enough inches overnight to have buried a small chicken.
I was about to give up and was walking out the gate, when instincts had me slam it back shut and quickly walk through the wooded area in the fence, across the spring and into the trees. My eyes felt like animal eyes, the ones that spot things better then normal... and that is when I saw her... poor lil' Beep Beep sitting on a small tree branch, freezing cold all alone, out in the open.

I grabbed her and hugged her to keep her body warm, as she shivered. I brought her right to the barn for warmth, food and water - all of which she was frantic about getting. I had never seen frozen poop on a chicken's ass till this moment. That's how cold it was. Poop-cicles.

*

JuJu the donkey is getting much more feed then normal so she can create more body heat.

She also wanted to send out a reminder:::

Do Not Eat Yellow Snow. It's Not Lemon Flavuh. ;)

THE BEAUTY OF IT ALL::::

The cold is painful to me. Maybe cause I am so small, maybe cause my DNA is that of cajuns who lived in the hot tropical swamps- never the less, I hate the cold but love the beauty, the way it re-sculpts the landscape.

Xoxoxooxxx

Snowed

I'M BACK!
Sorry about the few days of M.I.A but we had our first silly slick wet icey snow storm here in the mountains, and well, my particular spot is much like a frozen Yukon. I got more snow then any one else in the area, and despite 60 degree weather now some ice patches still remain up here at the Luck Cabin. The electricity came and went and came back again, my running water in the house went and came back... then my internet went away and didn't come back till this morning.
...
'No electricity' is not too bad in the snow for me because I have a wood stove that keeps me warm, i can cook on it and heat up water. The pipes freezing in my cabin sucks, but I have a non electric pump outside that won't freeze and holds water underground so I always have my spring water.
No internet though... UHG. I missed contact with the outside world. It's only natural, biological, historical and human. At least I have my animals....
JuJu was not a fan of the thicker, deeper snow. Neither were the chickens. Neither was I. The animals stayed in the mini barn for shelter and warmth.
...
COOL TRICK FOR 'HEATING' BARN STALLS::: I read in my Donkey Companion book that keeping some donkey poop in their stall mixed with the wood shaving or hay actually helps keep it warm in the winter due to the heat produced by the composting process. I knew that alot of heat is produced by composting, but I wasn't sure it would really work in this application. But I found that JuJu's stall was warmer then outside. :)

Xoxoxo

Things I Do (think & find) While It's Snowing

See me there in the pic above... I know it's hard to tell because my alpaca wool gloves are so hairy and thick, but I am shooting my middle finger up at the snowing sky. Fu@k this winter! Me and Snow, I don't know if we can be friends anymore... they are being a little clingy since like December, coming over too much, always hanging around my house like a stalker, ruining my plans, just plain smothering me. They scare away the animals too, and that's just messed up. Basically the snow is an emotionally abusive co-dependent self absorbed freak, only good for magically fertilizing the earth with rich nutrients.

I was thinking this morning as I woke up to more snow, that a great horror film (yet to be made) would be an Alfred Hitchcock style suspense thriller called "SNOW"... the plot would be simple: Snow keeps on comin' down, at first they predict 10 feet, but it dumps 100's of feet burying everything alive - people would live their last days under tunnels of white they can never dig out of.

um.... anyway... so while it is snowing I found these two things that are aestheically nice and nothing I need. Only want.

Organic Cotton PANTIE & BRA SET! yeah, it's hawtness - and normally yellow bothers me but right now yellow is looking like fun in the hot sun. :) You can click the link or the pic to see more organic cotton goodness.
Vintage OWLS! I have a thing for owls. Ever since one came and lived in my wood stove a few years ago I have been loving owls, especially the screech owl. I had named him Scratchy and when he died, i clipped his wings to keep and buried the rest of his body in front the cabin.

PS- those black owls pictured are at my friend's vintage store on Etsy, called SOUGHT. Remember when I wrote about a woman named "Sandy" who wanted to F' the president... that's her. I don't think she wants to F' him anymore, but i'm not sure.

Xoxoxoxo

Animal Tracking: Wet Snow Tracks & Scat (and a fun walk too)

It is not often I can walk in the woods this winter, the weather has been the harshest cold & snow I have ever seen in Western North Carolina, since I moved here 9 years ago. The trails on the mountain behind the house where I live don't get any sun during the cold season and are therefore freezing and the snow barley melts... i guess it's north facing? Big Sandy Mush (the area I am in) has virtually turned into Big Snowy Mush. Yesterday was remotely 'warm' in comparison and I could not resist the urge to get out of the house and move my limbs... being inside all winter is driving me bonkers! Bort, my most best nature friend came along too...
At the top of the apple orchard there was a super highway of melting deer tracks, some fresh some old and frozen. Further up the trail was what we thought is a raccoon (pictured below), there were quite a few of these going off to trees and then ending at the bottom of a tree trunk.
On the trail of the raccoon tracks were these GIANT canine tracks, which we assumed is a dog because if a coyote got that big that would be terrifying!
Then there was a bit of this scat (poop) in the snow... raccoon poop maybe?
Due to all the storms alot of trees fell down blocking the trail, and had to be climbed over. Most the trees that fell were locust, which makes really good firewood but makes me wonder if a disease killed a bunch of them too. Living here in Big Sandy Mush with Bort has helped me learn way more about identifying different types of trees (and animal tracks), I will miss this when I move.
Treasures....At the peak of the trail, the view of the half melted snow across the valley and the solid snow topping the balds was freakin' awesome! The white snow, silhouetting the wet trees makes a dramatic, ominous scene.
Once we got to the top the wet snow was melting through our shoes, and making cold squishy wet feet. So basically I hauled ass back down the mountain to soak my feet in a pot of hot water & epsom salt. So nice. :)
XoXo

Drawing In The Snow

The snow storm here in western North Carolina didn't turn out so bad this time, although the pipes froze for the 2nd time and busted, we still have power, phone, internet... and the cold just doesnt seem as frigid as it once did. The sun shining on the snow however was SO bright it was burning my eyes and I had to put on some sunglasses to even be able to look around without teetering on the border of snow blindness with burnt retinas.
I considered making a snow sculpture but decided to draw... (drawing in snow is a good lesson in impermanent art...). And even though I am a trained artist who could draw something awesome, instead I did these cause everyone knows that everyone else loves simple drawings of a naked lady, butterfly, love, a bunny and sunshine! So enjoy...
Feel free to put in requests, before the snow melts.

XoXo

Oh S(no)w, Not Again!

We are at the very beginning of the 3rd big snow storm/freeze this year! Since this is predicted to be much bigger then the one that knocked out all power and contact with civilization for a week I thought I would try to jinx the storm by saying my possible internet goodbye's now...
or is that like, way too dramatic? ;)

According the news "North Carolina is gonna get smacked!"
Gawd and baby jeezus help me cause in less then an hour an inch has fallen and we have about 48 hours more to go of "heavy snow"....
but then again, it's like a scary roller coaster - it's just not really as frightening the 2nd and 3rd time around.

Toodles.

xoxo

Animal Tracking: Prints In The Snow

The snow has made some really fun animal & bird prints this week! Every inch of snow is like an empty canvas waiting for the imprint of nature to draw something simple, complex and soothing on it. There is nowhere an animal can tread now without leaving a sign of it's passage in the fluffy frozen snow...
The first pic up top I am pretty sure is a hopping bird. This is close under the apple tree and bean rows where I have been watching tons of birds each day try to find food. This spot in particular looks as though they sunk a little and then had to hop out.
This next pic above may look a little scattered, but that is because it is from the Guinea Hens - they stay in close tight groups while walking around in search of food which leaves prints in a jumbled mess in the snow.
Unlike this next pic...
The perfect skipping paw prints of a small dog!

This next evidence is from a rabbit, who is using the same path over and over again under the fallen bamboo! I was pretty sure it was rabbit tracks, then i saw this scat (poop) pictured below and was certain it must be a big bunny!
This last pic below was the prints of a tiny brown and white feathered bird next to the well house. I am not sure how they ended up being straight lines, except maybe the snow was not sinking as much, and the bird's hops were tiny and connected? Or possibly it goes to the same spot over and over and re-traces it's steps? What do you think?
XoXo

Epic Snow Storm

DAY 1The news had predicted about 8 inches the day before the storm. I knew that meant much more would fall, but I had no idea I would spend the next 5 days without any phone, internet, electric or an easy way out! It came down so fast, so blury, flurry and wet that it was leaving a tall coating of snow on everything. A specific kind of pile up, that weighs down trees and power lines. But it was sooooo pretty I was super happy and excited to see such a unique snow storm.
I noticed within the first few hours that trees and bamboo were leaning, cracking, and falling down to the ground. It had a creepy crushing feeling, just to watch everything be pushed, their tops now at their roots.When i hiked through the snow to check on the pig, we was happily eating some fluffy white to keep the entrance of his door clear. Sometime soon after the power in the house began to flicker and I rushed to prepare every flashlight, lantern, the one candle, cook food, fill pots with water, wash dishes, set up blankets, keep the wood stove fire going, crank up an electric heater...make a few calls, till everything went dark and the phone went to static in the middle of a conversation.
DAY 2
I woke up to the pure silence of no electricity. As quiet as my environment already is, this was something to adjust to - no running fridge, no internet, no IM blinging away, or typing keys, no radio (no music!), no ringing phone, no low hum of all that is electric. The ice castles that formed on every branch of every tree were something out of nature's magical imagination - like nothing I ever saw before. So sculptural and majestic, so cold and foreboding.
The snow was up to 18 inches in some spots - varying from my knee to mid thigh. Pushing through the wet snow took strength I did not realize- especially uphill! My muscles got very sore very quick! People in regions used to this much snow might think this is no big deal, but we don't usually get large amounts of snow, especially the kind that takes down so many power lines and fills up so many roads that people lost all contact with the world for days... some still don't have it. I spied an old phone line in the bamboo and it was so tangled in fallen stalks it looked like the heartbeat on a heart monitor! When I saw that, i knew it would be a while before things went back to normal.
The beauty was astounding. In the pic below, you can see the tiny brown spot under the roof of white snow - that is the house i live in!
I trudged my way all the way up into the orchard to see the stormy view....the snow was still coming down.

By the end of day 2 I decided the fridge and freezer food would need to be moved on ice - so I took an old washtub and filled it with snow. I placed it in the bathroom which was as cold as outside, but protected from animals. My idea ended up working great for storing fish, eggs, tofu and leftovers that i was cooking on the wood stove.
DAY 3
The drabness started to get to me, no sun, no way to call friends or family, the other person in the house with me was endlessly moody and stressing out --- i concentrated on cooking food on the woodstove, tending to the fire to stay warm, and began two activities : Reading books and hand writing a journal of the power outage. (Look forward to seeing it online in it's hand written form maybe tomorrow!)
This picture below is the driveway/road to the house. Bamboo had created an elaborate maze to jump under and over. No way in by vehicle and ya had to crawl out...until someone came with a chainsaw... then you just had to duck on your way out.
DAY 4
There still was no power or phone, but the sun came up and somehow that warmed my heart just enough! When I walked to the end of the road to use someone's cell phone plugged into a car charger, i knew things were gonna get better cause the FIRST SNOW PLOW came down the road and was clearing the snow and ice!!!
YAY for the snow plow man!!!!!!!!! This meant it was only a matter of time before the workers would come to Big Sandy Mush Valley and clear some of the mess... trees had been hanging off power lines and the area had been virtually untouched since the storm.
PLUS music played in the car, music was like magic to my ears. Pink Floyd no less..."we don't need no education"... so i got excited for a little while and took the dare to jump into the snow. (Did you know wet snow sticks to wool, then melts and makes your warmers wet?!!! it does!)
But this poor opossum on the road just broke my heart looking at him ( killed by the neighbor's dog most likely) pretty much sums up this week of snow hell. It's amazing what takes place when we lose our protection, whatever illusion or physical protection it is we have. Being vulnerable in a dependent modern world is no joke...I learned alot of good and hard lessons. The biggest of all lessons ***What Doesnt Bend Breaks***.
on DAY 5 during yesterday evening the power came back on!!! It turned off once after, but has been on ever since. Let's hope it stays on (in spite of the warnings from the radio it may go back off and they predicted snow on X-mas!!!) NO more snow pLEASe!

THINGS I USED TO SURVIVE:

• hand cranked LED lantern + No battery flashlight
  
• wood + woodstove (heat and cooking)
  
• snow 'cooler' for food
  
• humanure toilet system
• water stored in pots + water stored in hot water heater
• books and writing
• help from others

XoXo