(Note: The following post is not intended for kids, cause I am gonna go off about how this thing really smells! If you haven't told your children about the other 'birds and bees' yet, don't let this be the first sex ed lesson they have...)Walking in the woods this week has been a mushroom explosion - tons of rain, cool nights dipping into the 60's and soon 50's...and rains from last year created a wet environment perfect for spawning off more variety of mushrooms then I have ever seen. Or smelled.
*
Yeah, that's right... while exploring the rainbow of fungi bursting from the forest floor I suddenly smelled something. Something almost familiar, but kinda sick too....... I looked around suspiciously, including at the person I was hiking with - then decided to announce the problem... "Something smells like cum! Do you smell it?!!" After getting a definitive "no", I looked around and said "maybe there is one of those trees here, you know, the cum trees?" Another look around and a "no".... I was just standing there inhaling over and over trying to figure it out.
About 10 feet from where we had been standing, there was this mushroom... I didn't have my camera on me and had to come back the next day to take the photos. When we originally found the funguy, it was stiff, erect and stinking... i put my face down by it and it stained the inside of my nose with a horrid smell, that was nothing short of cum on a dirty dick, on a man sleeping in a dumpster in a pile of sugar. I looked the creepy mushroom up online, and they politely say the smell is terrible, like "rotten meat" - I think that is code for man meat.
Of course, when i went back today to take pictures of this magnificent specimen, it was flaccid. but the manly smell was no less. I did notice though another 15 feet away a rotten dead animal smell....
could there be more stinky poop fingers??
*
FYI: This type of mushroom is known as a "stink horn" and this variety in particular also goes by the name "elegant dog stinkhorn". Read more about them & other American Mushrooms HERE.
Xoxoxoxo PEeeewww weee
Hm. A phallic mushroom that smells like the rotting cock cheese on never-been-bathed necrophilic nymphomaniac's cock. Sounds tasty!
ReplyDeleteHey Scout...
ReplyDeleteha ha. Your description is so accurate, either you've seen this mushroon before... or, well...
Soo funny!! I ran into this mushroom's smelly similar looking cousin in a local park (also, foggy and damp) but this cousin was 5-pronged and called witch's horn! But not to be sexist, it's also known as the devil's horn...maybe here it should be named devil's dong!
ReplyDeleteEsme- ha ha. I think Devil's Dong is a far better name then "elegant dog stinkhorn" --- there is nothing elegant about it.
ReplyDeleteI will have to go look up the one you found, "witch's horn"! I wanna see pictures in case I run into it in the forest here.
Leslie, I found it:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.mykoweb.com/CAF/species/Clathrus_archeri.html
That smeared mud on red flesh look is a crazy example of nature's imitative ways!
Just in case that link doesn't work, the name is Clathrus archeri and part of a larger appropriately named Phallaceae family of stinky Devil's Dongs.
ReplyDeleteEsme --- cool link, it totally worked for me, yours was way more intersting.Today I smelled these mushrooms in three different places- i went searching around near the smell and didn't find them, but i know i will soon!
ReplyDeletegolden goose
ReplyDeletelebron 16
air jordan
jordan shoes
curry 7 sour patch
supreme clothing
yeezy 350
goyard
birkin bag
supreme t shirt
replica bags china m77 d4p19h8v51 cheap designer bags replica t39 e7a19e7g73 Louis Vuitton replica Bags k88 s7h18r4v70
ReplyDelete